Convenient Cry

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My girls, like the true drama queens they are, don’t really think there’s an inconvenient time to cry.  My 6 year old is starting to feel that there are times where crying is not the thing she wants to do, but sometimes it happens anyway.  And when that happens, it will be a quiet cry, sometimes with her face buried.  Although, at home, she cries out loud with abandon.  My 3 year old will cry out loud anytime, anywhere.  I often wonder how old I was when I decided that I didn’t want to cry publicly.  Have you ever thought about that?  I’m not talking about funerals and such.  I mean those times when something is on your mind that causes you to be emotional when you think about it, but you’re at work or driving your kids somewhere and it’s just not the time to start crying.

Even though I don’t want to cry in public, there are times when I lose that battle with my tears.  After trying all kinds of things to keep the tears in, one escapes and trickles down my face.  After that, it is usually hard to staunch the flow.  This usually leads to unwanted attention and questions that I didn’t want to answer at that time. Preventing this from happening is usually my goal (this is probably not a good thing, but whatever).

When I feel that my emotions are getting the best of me, at an inconvenient time, all I want is to freeze the water works and revisit them later.  Preferably, in private.  However, this is almost impossible to do.  You either have to cry when the moment hits you, or forget it.  Usually, once that moment passes, if I’m lucky enough to avoid it, trying to cry and release some stress at a later time is just not happening.

I’m a bit envious of my girls at being able to cry when they feel the need to, worrying very little (or not at all, i.e. my 3 year old) about whether it is a convenient time or place.  This is probably one of those things that are specific to childhood that you can’t get back once you lose it.  Maybe, I should allow them to enjoy this ignorant bliss while they still can.  Soon, they’ll probably care too much about what other people think to willfully cry in public, much less out loud.  So, if you see me in the grocery store and my little one is crying loudly, but I am not trying to quiet her, it is because I am allowing her to express herself in a way that she won’t be able to once she’s older.  At least, not without stares, whispers, and maybe a 911 call from others.  It’s either that, or I’m just tired.  Motherhood is stressful, people!  Don’t judge me!  Maybe I should have a good cry about it right now………

……Ok.  I tried.  No luck!  See, you just can’t schedule these things.